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If you are going to Hawaii...

Do yourself a favor and get some Macadamia Nuts with Sweet Onion and Garlic. This food reduced me to babbling "oh my god! so very good" in the middle of the store the other night.

(We don't carry them at TJ's. A customer brought back from Hawaii for me, which was awfully nice of her. Apparently I did her some sort of favor, which I think involved an adhesive bangage, one time when she came through my line, so she brought me a present from her recent trip to Hawaii.)

This snack is a very nice macadamia, and it's flavored with onion and garlic. The result is like a sublime version of a sour cream and onion potato chip.

It's possible to order these treasures online if you're not bound for the islands any time soon. This packaging is six small cans for $19.99, probably plus shipping and handling.

Honk If You Love Justice

It's about damned time. The Tick--the good, animated series, not the awful live-action attempt--comes to DVD in about a month's time. This set is missing "The Tick vs. The Mole Men," from what I hear, but 12 pristine Tick episodes on legitimate DVDs is better than none--12 times better.

This is the best news I've had in I don't know how long.

Lady in Search of a Nervous Breakdown

I hope you people appreciate that I sat through three trailers plus a blurb on TiVo to figure out what the hell is going on in this movie. I'm still not completely convinced that there's really anything.

The first trailer introduces us to tourist-class hotel super Cleveland Heep. What kind of a name is that? Why, it's a name you pull out of thin air when you're making up a story for kids. More about that later. He has a beard and a bit of a paunch, and I don't exactly recognize the actor. I think he's Paul Giamatti, but I thought Paul Giamatti was an alumnus of Law and Order: Original Recipe, and the guy in this movie is not the same guy I was thinking of.

The second trailer introduces us to The Lady. She's hiding in the pool, and then hiding in a guest's shower, and her eyes are creepy-pale blue, which look especially fetching with her creepy-pale white skin and her stringy blonde-then-brown hair. Apparently she comes from a wet sort of underworld, which may or may not be Dante's Purgatory. She, and possibly some of her fellow Maybe Purgatorians, gets out through a thing that's half pool grate, half pagan circle.

Didn't you always figure those pagans and there circles were going to cause trouble? Anyway, there are either wolves or hyenas, too. And a smug kind of law enforcement guy who obviously hasn't been to the movies in, like, years. If you're asking "the hell?" right about now, you're not the only one.

The third trailer, OK, I was interrupted by the phone, so I don't actually know what happens. There were crowds of people milling about, and... well, that's kind of all. Oh. There's splashing, lots of splashing. I think maybe the watery world under the ground is an evil waterpark.

I don't recognize the cast of this movie, although I thought Paul Giamatti was a Law and Order alum. Maybe he is and I just missed that part, but he didn't remind me of anybody who used to be on Law and Order, so I guess I'm confusing him with somebody else. I know he plays Cleveland Heep, because younger stars have cuter names.

Most of what you need to know is that M. Night IWroteThisMovie is involved, so it's not supposed to make real-life sense. He said in the TiVo blurb that this story started as a bedtime story for his youngsters, which means it's going to make about as much sense as it would if it started in a dream. He freely admits that the plot is a bloody mess, and he seemed kind of proud of that.

Me, I got lost at "the hell?" Basically, I think the philosophy with these trailers was More is Better. Why do one unhelpful thing when you can do three?

Bottom line: If you're having trouble getting to sleep, maybe you could go see this movie. You're more likely to be confused than frightened. I think that might be the point.

An Open Letter to American Taxpayers

Dear Rest of the Country, and Those Poor Suckers Who Represent Them in Congress:

It may have come to your attention that the House passed a biil to give the Washington Metropolitan Area Transit Authority, AKA Metro, a billion and a half of your dollars. You might be pretty steamed about that. (Well, OK, you're not. You probably don't care that much, because you aren't paying attention, but a couple of your esteemed representatives on Capitol Hill saw fit to whine about this legislation on your behalf.)

Here's the thing. If Metro doesn't work, the U.S. Government won't be able to function. I'm not asking you to like the Feds or anything like that, but if there's nobody at the headquarters for the United States Postal Service (located at L'enfant Plaza, a hub for the Blue, Orange, Yellow and Green lines), to issue payroll checks for letter carriers, do you think your mail's really going to get delivered? Now, maybe the civil servant who's responsible for that lives in a condo near the Waterfront. Maybe he walks to work, but he might just as easily live all the way out in Deepest Alexandria or Rockville and rely on public transit to get to work in a timely fashion.

Traffic in this hellhole is among the worst in the nation. If you think traffic is bad where you live, I dare you to drive 395 North during rush hour. By rush hour, I mean starting about 6 a.m. and lasting almost until noon. It's just as bad during the evening. We have a bridge here, the 14th Street Bridge, that crosses the Potomac and goes straight into downtown. It ought to be known as Our Nation's Parking Lot. If you're coming in from the south, that's your route into town; there's no other way.

(I chose the 395 corridor for a reason: it is not well served by Metro past the Pentagon, although the Blue Line isn't that far off part of it. Most of the corridor relies on buses operating out of the hubs at Pentagon, Huntington, and King Street stations.)

So if the FBI agent who needs to approve an investigation on something that happened in your town or city in a Place That's Not Washington is stuck on the bridge for two hours, he's not in his office. If your business gets knocked down by a hurricane and you need the government to cut you a check, that woman could be stuck on a bus that broke down instead of in her office. And let's hope the network at your local Social Security Administration office never goes down, because if the GSA employee who has to approve the purchase of new equipment can't get to work... ouch. Hope Grandma doesn't need anything.

Here's my point: if Washington doesn't work, this country doesn't work. If Metro falls apart, Washington does not work. So do us all a favor and let your elected representatives know that you wholeheartedly support giving Metro some federal dollars. We can't get any closer to gridlock and continue to function.

Your Pal in Our Nation's Capital,

Amanda

File under "Not making this up"

Subheading: And I was not on drugs at the time.

A self-promoting ad for Food Network's "new fall lineup" features a yodeling dead catfish. At least I think the catfish was dead. The whole thing left me slightly agape, but I closed my mouth before anything flew in.

More great products from Trader Joe's

Since I'm still getting comments on the last post I made about this, I thought I'd do another one. Although products disappear for many reasons--and yes, one of those reasons is that some of our buyers just don't understand the market, I'm afraid--there's always something new. Here's some of it.

1. Pomegranate juice blends, $2.79 for 16 oz. Y'all have probably been aware of the extreme buzz about the antioxidant properties of pomegranate, and the proliferation of pom products in the last couple of years. TJ's introduced its pomegranate juice blends about a month ago in the east, and they're quite good. I've tried the cherry and blueberry blends, both were very satisfying. All juices involved in these blends are good juices, not the apple and grape that you're used to seeing on ingredient labels. They're great cut with either sparkling or flat water.

2. Frozen French Toast, $1.79 in the freezer section. You wouldn't think frozen French toast would work, but it does. Obviously it's not as good as home made, but it's a decent substitute. (Also, for anybody who cares, the multigrain frozen waffles are back in stock after being unavailable for several months.)

3. Cashew Macadamia Butter, $5.99, on the grocery aisle. Mmmmmmm. I love this stuff. It hangs together fairly well after its initial stirring, at least I haven't had it re-separate, the way peanut butters can. Great on toast, and on celery, and I keep meaning to make cookies with it, using a peanut butter cookie recipe.

3a. Peanut Butter, $1.79. One of the better bargains on TJ's shelves. Similar natural style butters cost $2.99 and up in regular stores. This stuff has no added sugar, and is available in salt-free as well. Crunchy and creamy. Makes fantastic peanut butter cookies using the recipe in The Joy of Cooking.

4. Cotswold Pub Cheese, price varies by weight. This cheese, a Gloucester with chive and onion, is delightful. Serve at room temperature on crackers or whatever you want.

5. Gingerbread Crown Cake, $4.99, in the bakery section of the store. Fantastic stuff, in fact, I might have listed this before. The gingerbread stands out from the lemon and chocolate varieties by not being overly sweet. The spicy bite of this confection surprised me the first time I had it. Great with coffee or tea, would be good to take to a pot-luck thing of any kind.

6. Sweet Potato Fries, $2.99 in the frozen section. OK, I haven't tried these, but I think it's great that TJ's has them frozen. It's on my list of stuff to make soon. Sweet potatoes, which are surprisingly low on the glycemic index, are chock full of nutrients, and make lovely fries.

7. Sugar Snap Peas. $1.79 in the frozen section. Sticking with frozen for a bit, because I tend to think that's TJ's strongest section, these are lovely. It's nice to be able to get them year 'round. Try defrosting them in the microwave and eating them cold for a healthy, tasty snack. And while you're in the frozen veggie aisle, check out the Asparagus Cuts and Tips, also $1.79. Defrost and use in a salad; it's not the same as fresh asparagus, but this product is much better than I expected. Perfect for risottos, fritattas, quiches and soups.

8. Tuna Pouches, $1.39 for a single-serving pouch in the grocery section. This comes in red and yellow curry, and they're both good. Pay no attention to the high fat content! This product makes a cheap, satisfying and very tasty lunch. The red is fairly spicy, so if you shy away from spicy food, go with the milder yellow curry. (TJ's also stocks red and yellow curry sauce in bottles, but I have no idea if it's the same sauce as used in these pouches.)

9. Lavender Liquid Dish Soap, $1.89, household products section. You could pay a lot more for dish soap that smells nice from Meyer's or Method, or you could go to TJ's and get the cheap stuff. It smells pretty good, and it will get your dishes clean, which is all that really matters.

10. Chicken Breast with Balsamic Vinegar and Rosemary, $4.99, refrigerated section. This is a whole breast marinated, grilled and ready for your serving pleasure. I've put it on several different salads, including one with berries that worked really well. Also nice on sandwiches, and I'll bet it would do well in a cold pasta dish.

Behold, I bring you tidings of great joy

How blashpemous is it that to me, that's a quote from Linus and Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown.

Anyway, I've been spending a bit of time in the basement going through stuff, trying to figure out what's down there. Tonight, I found something that I seriously thought was gone. In a black, plastic trash sack where I must have tucked them about fifteen years ago, I found my Aunt Ann's travel scrapbooks.

Now, scrapbooking was different in the 50s. It was more about saving stuff than gussying it up with geegaws from craft stores. (I have no opinion of modern scrapbooking, and I don't mean that in a pleasantly neutral way. I mean that in the way that a great Southern lady slices a person to bits by pressing her lips together and letting an eyebrow twitch.) Anyway, the scrapbooks cover many of the trips she and Uncle Bob took in the 50s, plus there are weird, casual family photographs.

I honestly thought these things lost to the mists of time, eaten away by my haste to get from one place to the next. They appear undamaged, because I had the foresight to wrap them in plastic. This will be great news to my extended family. For me, the joy of surprise is nearly unutterable. It's the first real surprise I've found down there, and I love surprises.

I'm supposed to go out with friends tomorrow night, to see a movie and hang out in Old Greenbelt, but even though I'm looking forward to the outing, I'd rather spend time going through the scrapbooks.

I guess I'll save that adventure for another time.

The Devil Wears Prada

Starring (Academy Award Winner) Meryl Streep, as the Devil. She instills fear and stuff, much like the actual devil is supposed to do, but in this movie, Streep does it with high heels and sunglasses--and an accent; don't forget the accent. (Hey, it's Meryl Streep, people. She's incapable of not doing accent. She may have forgotten where she was born by now.)

This movie is set in New York, because, as we all know, all fashion that doesn't happen in Paris or Milan (or other places mentioned in Right Said Fred's "I'm Too Sexy") happens in New York. The streets of New York always seem to be glistening with rain in movies, but it's never really raining. Why is that?

OK, so a badly dressed girl walks into the offices of a fictional fashion magazine, which is actually Vogue. All fashion magazines are actually Vogue, you see. There's really only one. Frumpy is outstanding, but not in a good way. She's wearing a horrible beige jacket and a sweater vest. I don't know when this thing is supposed to be happening, but sweater vests, like gauchos, were never a good idea. So, like I said, it's a dead giveaway that this girl is hopeless. Her hair looks dyed, so whoever the actress is probably went brunette for the part. (And that confuses me, because most Hollywood blondes were not born that way.) In the scene we see in the trailer, somebody hid all the styling products from poor, sad Frumpy. How long do we think that's going to last? Not long if she plans to keep the job she might or might not get.

There's a rude and slightly fussy bald dude with giant glasses, and a ghoul who's wearing way too much black eye shadow and godawful shoes. See, unlike Frumpy, these folks are Fashion Types. Contrast! Frumpy talks to the Devil for a couple of sentences, the Fashion Types mouth words about her, and then?

I have no idea. That's why this trailer is so great: it gives you the setup and then it stops. Perfect. Should you see it? I don't see why not. No hint of a boyfriend, or anything like that, so unless it's a love story about a girl and her job, which would be kind of sad in a very 21st-century way.

Bottom line: If it's really hot where you live, I can guarantee that the temperature in your local movie house will be roughly 62 degrees, so take a sweater. You could probably do worse in terms of what's on the screen. I can see myself renting this, except that I don't rent movies. I wait until they're available at some place like Target for $12, which ends up being cheaper than Netflix for me. So I guess you could say that it's fairly likely that "The Devil Wears Prada" will one day gather dust on a shelf near my TV after I've watched it twice.